So, last night my dad said to me "I don't understand why you have to worry about EVERYTHING."
Without missing a beat, and clearly without thinking, I said to him "I was conditioned that way."
There was then dead silence, and true to our repressed, unable to deal with one another ways, we changed the subject. And I leave unsaid the thing that I think at least a few times a week: I'm really not supposed to be here. I really wasn't supposed to live through what I did. Why did I?